At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
