Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
