the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
