My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We talked him into tasing himself.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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