I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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