maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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