Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize