ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
