I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
