Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
