and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
