A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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