I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
