And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
