Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
