I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
