Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
