I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
