I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
