You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
