That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
