hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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