I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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