At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
