he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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