So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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