Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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