No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
