end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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