i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
