You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
