I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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