You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
