I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Enjoy the penises
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
