you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
