his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
