Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
