dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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