If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
