New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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