One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
