I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
