So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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