I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am puke
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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