Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
