also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
