I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
