you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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