I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
