Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
