Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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