you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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