left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
