just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
