I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
