If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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