im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
