just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
