Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
