Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you never un-have a 4some
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
