She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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