I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
