I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
