Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize