You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i now understand why vodka
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
